Cleveland Browns

By Young Manhattanite I grew up a rabid Mets/Knicks/Rangers fan. When everyone else was listening to Nirvana and NWA, I was listening to WFAN 660. My Kurt Cobain was Chris "Mad Dog" Russo and Eazy-E was Steve "The Schmoozer" Somers. I had the rare privilege of going to some of the most memorable games of the era: Mets...

By Barry Petchesky •Bengals 16, Browns 7. I'm not big on QB ratings, but it's worth pointing out that Josh Cribbs more than doubled Brady Quinn's in this one. With an inactive Cedric Benson, the now-playoff-bound Larry Johnson led Cincy with 107 yards, proving that there are no real punishments in pro sports.

By Drew Magary Dolphins at Panthers: Winner gets to .500! Tonight! Neat! Cardinals at Rams Tom Cable* Jim Zorn Eric Mangini Jim Mora Jeff Fisher Dick Jauron – FIRED! Todd Haley Lovie Smith Andy Reid Mike McCarthy Sunday Afternoon Movie Of The Week For Browns Fans

By Dashiell Bennett Honestly, I've got to believe that winning against the Browns is no picnic either. Last night's 16 point, 16 punt masterpiece was not exactly an endorsement for quality professional football. The game was so boring, it made Ray Lewis eat the grass. And somehow we still haven't settled the Br...

By Barry Petchesky Ah, but the joke's on you, faceless chicken corporation. Your clever sign is flawed; the Browns don't even play until tomorrow! Wait, Cleveland is on Monday Night Football? Shit, I guess the joke's on all of us.

By Barry Petchesky •Joe Namath's yellow Lab was declared dangerous and must be muzzled, after it attacked a UPS driver and a nurse. Expect Joe to be running the wildcat offense for his retirement community's recreational period football team soon. •An eighth grader was suspended for shaving Bengals stripe...

By Barry Petchesky The Patriots are good and the Bucs are terrible, in any language. Wait, they speak American over there? •Packers 31, Browns 3. Green Bay was firing on all cylinders, but that's not much of an accomplishment against the Browns. Aaron Rodgers was 15/20 for 246 yards and 3 TDs, and Ryan Grant rush...

By Barry Petchesky •Steelers 27, Browns 14. Derek Anderson was better this week, but not much. The real story is Ben Roethlisberger, who tossed another 417 yards. And if the carries are to be believed, Willie Parker's days as starter in Pittsburgh are done.

By Nash Landesman Sport / Period: NFL Football / Game Selection: New England Patriots 10/11/2009 4:15:01 PM - (EST) 3 -110 Event Notes: NFL - Week 5 Item #7 Outcome: Win Sport / Period: NFL Football / Game Selection: Seattle Seahawks 10/11/2009 4:15:01 PM - (EST) 1½ -110 Event Notes: NFL - Week 5

By Barry Petchesky •Bengals 17, Ravens 14. Cincinnati officially confirmed for the most confusing team in the league. They barely beat Cleveland, then they barely beat Baltimore? I don't know what to think. Andre Caldwell hauled in a touchdown with 22 seconds left, and that vaunted run defense couldn't stop...

By Nash Landesman Item #1 Wager Type: Money Line Outcome: Win Sport / Period: NFL Football / Game Selection: Jacksonville Jaguars 9/27/2009 1:00:01 PM - (EST) 175 Item #3 Wager Type: Money Line Outcome: Loss Sport / Period: NFL Football / Game Selection: San Francisco 49ers 9/27/2009 1:00:01 PM - (EST)

By Drew Magary 3. Mangini? Really? It's as if Browns ownership is deliberately trying to turn off Cleveland fans. It's not enough that Cleveland had Belichick before he became arguably the greatest head coach in NFL history. No, now they have to hire all of his shitty underlings, thus repeating the shitty...

By Matt Sussman Fourth Quarter 16 10 13 10 13 7 9:33 — Finally, a quarterback for the Browns scores a touchdown in this game. No, not that one. Endaround to The Pride Of Kent State, Josh Cribbs, is good for a 2-yard TD. 13 0 6 0 9:12 — Mr. Owl, how many interceptions does it take to get a Tootsie quarterback benched?

By Matt Sussman 8:29 — The can't-get-a-football-job-anywhere-else guys in ESPN have made their predictions. It's almost a consensus pick for Buffalo, except for Keyshawn Johnson, who picked Cleveland because Ditka picked Buffalo. It's tough to argue that logic.

By Leitch Apparently, Quinn ended up outside a gay bar, where he tried to start a fight and began firing off the slurs. On the 9-1-1 call, Harris said that "Brady Quinn from the Browns" was "trying to cause a fight." Harris told the operator, "I just walked outside and he exchanged many profanities with...

Steelers at Cardinals: Russ Grimm and Ken Whisenhunt vow to strike a blow against Affirmative Action when they host the Steelers and the cocky young black guy who... Bucs at Panthers: Either the Bucs are surprisingly good, or the NFC is just a total shitheap. I think I'll go with the latter.

By Leitch But anyway, some 25 years later, Modell packed up his shit and moved his organization to Baltimore, leaving a de-activated Browns franchise (complete with its eight league titles and 16 Hall-of-Famers) in his wake. Buying the rights to the franchise and resurrecting the team was the lat...