Dancing with the Stars

By monkseal Kelly Osbourne & Louis van Amstel dancing the Argentine Tango, Megamix, Freestyle, and Viennese Waltz : Mya & Dmitry Chaplin dancing the Paso Doble, Megamix, Freestyle & Jive : Donny Osmond & Kym Johnson dancing the Cha Cha, the Megamix, the Freestyle, and the Argenti...

By monkseal Donny Osmond & Kym Johnson dancing the Tango, Samba and Jitterbug : Mya & Dmitry Chaplin dancing the Waltz, Salsa & Cha Cha Cha : It’s a very X-Factor Dancing With The Stars indeed this week. Donny Osmond & Kym Johnson d

By monkseal Donny Osmond & Kym Johnson dancing the Quickstep & Tango : You guys, Donny Osmond is so old. So totally old. He’s 51! It’s a wonder he can walk without his hips dislocating underneath him like matchsticks and rubber bands trying to support a grapefruit. Not that I don’t find his conti...

By monkseal Melissa Joan Hart & Mark Ballas dancing the waltz : Dear Mark Ballas : GET A HAIR CUT! Oh…good…you did. Bout damned time. Anyway I was glad to see the emergence of Crazy Shirley Ballas being all crazy. I’m not sure America is fully aware of just how crazy that weird hybrid Brenda Blethyn/Dap...

By monkseal Aaron Carter & Karina Smirnoff dancing the Argentine Tango : I’m still kind of in awe of Carrie Ann’s criticism basically being “you’re a douche and nobody likes you, because you try way too hard”. Maybe we should instill some of that psychiatrist’s couch level criticism over here – “R...

By monkseal Louie Vito & Chelsie Hightower dancing the country two-step : Speaking of which, good grief Charlie Brown he barely even walked in time. Honestly I think this was one of the worst performances I’ve ever seen, because she gave him precious little to do, and he didn’t do any of it right. Whi...

By monkseal Tom DeLay & Cheryl Burke dancing the samba : I do love how I’m repeatedly told that I can’t judge him for his politics, and then he waggles his butt in my face with a Beadazzled Republica Elephant on it, whilst his partner wears a Democratic Donkey made of sequins and they dance to “Why Can...

By monkseal Tom DeLay & Cheryl Burke dancing the tango : By fractures does he mean that he’s broken the bones in his feet? Both of his feet? Why would you carry on dancing with broken bones in your feet. There’s bravery, and then there’s insanity. Now that he’s done a ballroom dance (not very well, but a...

By monkseal Mark Dacascos & Lacey Schwimmer : I’m so glad that I watched “You Have Been Watching” so that I know who this guy is. At this moment in time I am 3/3 in recognising the celebrities and very proud of myself. I’m told Lacey Schwimmer is kind of an annoying bint, but based on this I don’t mind her. I...

By monkseal Following a lengthy process of public consultation, I hereby announce I will be writing about both Dancing With The Stars (UK Pace) and X Factor (once the live shows start). Pity my aching fingers.