Hillary Rodham Clinton

By Sara K. Smith For veritable days we have been racking our brains, trying to figure out why Hillary Clinton would be interested in a Secretary of State position. It ain’t exactly a stepping stone to the presidency, and in her beloved Senate she can be her own boss and work on all those domestic things she lo...

By Ken Layne A shocking new study by the web concern A Daily Beast proves that American women voters are more furious than usual about the election, because, eh, Hillary Clinton lost to Barack Obama and Sarah Palin is a despicable race-baiting moron.

By Sara K. Smith Necktie-free boozebag Christopher Hitchens does not like the idea of Hillary Clinton getting her grubby little paws all over America’s foreign policy. Meanwhile, Peter Beinart just shouts and shouts. Why so shouty, Peter? Be sure to watch till the end, when Hitchens’ hair wanders off hi...

By Sara K. Smith Remember when Joe Biden said, “As soon as he’s elected, Barack Obama is going to piss off his most devoted supporters, and you Obamatards are all just going to have to suck it up”? Was he talking about Hillary Clinton becoming Secretary of State? [Politico]Stocks will probably go down tod...

By Jim Newell President-elect Barack Obama offered Sen. Hillary Clinton the position of Secretary of State during their meeting Thursday in Chicago, according to two senior Democratic officials. She requested time to consider the offer, the officials said.

By Jim Newell Why good morning, America! “Retail sales plunged by the largest amount on record in October. …Retail sales fell by 2.8 percent last month, surpassing the old mark of a 2.65 percent drop in November 2001 in the wake of the terrorist attacks that year.” [WP]The auto industry bailout doesn’t loo...

By Sara K. Smith He promised to clean up Washington and usher in a new era of civility, and yet he hires as his Chief of Staff a crazed table-stabber who knows exactly one word of English, and that word is “fuck.” This fellow, Rahm Emanuel, worked for Bill Clinton forever.

By Ken Layne We’re putting everything we’ve got into this effort — there literally will be no Chirstmas presents for anyone we know this year because it’s all going to winning this election. We believe in McCain/Palin and think they are what’s best for America, so we’re doing all we can to win on Novembe...

By Jim Newell “‘So Sambo beat the bitch!’ This is how Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin described Barack Obama’s win over Hillary Clinton to political colleagues in a restaurant a few days after Obama locked up the Democratic Party presidential nomination.” How dare sexist lipstick...

By Jim Newell ’s favorite GILF has now graduated to a losing ticket for vice president. Hooray for Sarah Palin, the new fake Hillary Clinton! And like the Clintons, Palin and her husband, “Todd,” are involved in a horrible scandal in their corrupt nothing state, and it’s about troopers. So let’s offer a b...

By Jim Newell This convention has been an unmitigated disaster. It is now about to get worse. They are holding the fake nomination roll call and floor vote to “determine” the presidential nominee, until Hillary Clinton fake calls it off, or something. It’s the Hilltards’ last shot at glory! Here goes.

By Ken Layne 9:22 PM — Weeping Hillary Nut on the floor says she will vote for Clinton. Will Obama do something to convince this weeping liberal black woman that maybe he should get her vote? Jesus fucking christ. 9:32 PM — MSNBC now, with orange Brian Williams, talking about orange Hillary Clinton.

By Jim Newell Hillary Clinton is the most orange woman alive tonight. “Orange” is the color of Unity, and Barack Obama. Are the PUMAs buying it? No, because they’re sociopaths. But maybe enough people are. It’s all about getting your 51%, and Hillary could offer like 2%, right now! 3%!

By Jim Newell DAVIS: Ted Stevens: An Innocent Man [Washington Times] After Hillary Clinton lost, her annoying lawyer friend Lanny Davis had to find a new dumb job, even though he was never on staff to begin with. And so he became a columnist for where else, The Washington Times. Yesterday’s column did, in...

By Sara K. Smith Let’s review the list of people who will not be Barack Obama’s running mate: Hillary Clinton, because she would poison him; Jack Reed, because he isn’t interested; Tim Kaine, because of the eyebrows; and Joan Allen, because of her rumored college sex orgy. Now there is only one human left o...

By Jim Newell Some negative ads crystallize voters’ opinions without presenting any new information. That’s what was behind John McCain’s recent ad equating Barack Obama’s celebrity status with that of Paris Hilton — that viewers would associate the Democrat’s leadership with mere celebrity, no...

By Jim Newell On December 1, Clinton and her husband attended a private dinner with the influential Des Moines Register editorial board. Seated at opposite ends of a long table, they were stunned to hear journalists praise the skill and efficiency of the Obama and Edwards campaigns and question why Cl...

By Ken Layne You’ve heard about the Montauk Monster and the terrible secret government laboratory on Plum Island, but what will our Leaders do to stop the reign of biological terror from the Department of Homeland Security’s Monster Island? Even Hillary Clinton is frightened! “We are particularl...

By Jim Newell Hey Hillary you are such a great person I went to a rally of yours during the primary in New Hampshire & did some campaigning for you here in albany ny you put a smile on my face every time I saw you whether in person or on tv. You are a strong women don’t give up keep fighting for whats right. I hop...

By Jim Newell 50 for a BJ, $100 for regular, $400 for “all-you-can-eat salad bar” [Hillary Clinton] The other day we mentioned Hillary Clinton’s latest attempt to win back $11 million of her $109 million fortune, the “Have Dinner With Hillary” contest. Today, Bill Clinton sent out another e-mail abou...

By Sara K. Smith McCain’s Hillary Problem [New York Magazine] For 400 glorious years, John McCain has gotten daily handjobs from the national press corps because he lets them sit in the back of the bus with him while he dispenses salty bons mots and makes inappropriate jokes. But now all the favorable pres...

By Sara K. Smith Obama donors aren’t rushing to aid Clinton [New York Times] The saddest thing about Hillary Clinton dropping out of the presidential race was the prospect that we might never again see a news story about the hilarious wankocracy that was Team Clinton. But hurrah, her campaign lives on, in...

By Ken Layne Ed Hale, creator of the World’s Greatest Website for pretend Hillary Clinton fanatics who WILL NOT VOTE FOR THE COLORED, has a favor to ask. Would you mind making Internet-radio commercials for his make-believe Internet Radio show against the Nobamas? You know, if you “think you have wha...

By Jim Newell Ugh, ack, yes, Barack and Hillary are having their UNITY rally right now, in UNITY NEW HAMPSHIRE, where they talk about UNITING for BLACK POWER… BARACK OBAMA up in this MUHFUCKA, with HILLZ. We missed most of it. Let’s liveblog what’s “left”!

By Sara K. Smith Memo Pad: If Only Hillary Had Done Vogue [WWD] Second only to Mark Penn in Hillary Clinton’s Annals of Campaign Staff Odiousness, former Clinton communications director Howard Wolfson is known for precisely two things: wearing a hideous Cosby sweater stolen off a murdered bum “for goo...

By Sara K. Smith Let’s see here…Barbara Boxer had TWO mortgages through Countrywide, America’s Subprime Villain, but paid them off two years ago. Fat Cat Hillary Clinton has a loan through Citibank for her house in New York but owns her DC digs outright. Carl Levin lives under a hill in a snuggly little cave...

By Jim Newell The Fall and Rise of Hillary Clinton [New York] Here’s yet another profile from another New York magazine that we read due to boredom, although this magazine is literally called New York. This story is about your favorite recluse, Hillary Clinton, and the last days of her campaign. The writ...

By Jim Newell Party at the Clinton’s: Hillary Thanks Her Staff [Fox News] Tomorrow is quittin’ time for Hillary Clinton, so today she threw a big farewell bash for her 500-person staff at her Georgetown home, Whitehaven Manor Castle, “in the back yard by the swimming pool.” And although Hillary could’...

By Jim Newell Hillary, Hillary Clinton Hillary, Hillary Clinton Hillary, Hillary Clinton (por ella voto yo) Hillary, Hillary Clinton (por ella voto yo) Hillary, Hillary Clinton (por ella voto yo) Hillary, Hillary Clinton (por ella voto yo) Por Clinton voto yo.

We sent Gawker videographer and resident evil genius Richard Blakeley to cover Sen. Hillary Clinton’s 60th birthday bash at New York’s Beacon Theater last night. Security goons wouldn’t allow video cameras inside, so Blakeley was forced to use words to explain the bovine press process,...