The Hills

This week on MTV, two forces of evil narcissism joined in unholy, legal matrimony, and it was LC's final (finally!) episode on this wretched show. But you know, for the season finale of The Hills, you'd think MTV could have conjured a little more drama over the course of a seemingly unending...

By O. Snapp Lauren guzzles her champagne and looks everywhere but directly at Heidi. Heidi asks how she is, and she replies in the positive. They share an extremely long and extremely painful silence, wherein they both just sort of nod at each other and Heidi tries to stare herself into Lauren's brain. T...

By O. Snapp WAIT FOR ME, HEIDI!!!" At PR, Whitney is excitedly telling LC her big news about the DVF opportunity, and LC is so thrilled that she decides to take a big, long sip of her iced coffee before fully reacting. Sooo... ummm... Whitney nails the interview. 'Nuff said?

By O. Snapp Do you think I should apologize to Lauren?" rawr! As Nana opens the door, Spencer shoves a flower in her face with the explanation that it is from him and Heidi only, and not that whore that straggled along with them. "What a surprise!" she exclaims as they barge into her house.

By O. Snapp Oh my God, you guys. The unthinkable has happened. "The Hills" this week........ was awesome.... Heidi and her crimp-tastic hairdo arrive home, where Spencer is still in the kitchen. You know, for all of the complaining about mooches that Spencer does, how come nobody ever asks him what HE does for a livin...

By O. Snapp Leave the Spencer, take the cannoli, eh?" Oops, did I lose my neck again?" Heidi accuses Spencer of not caring. He shakes his head, possibly enforcing this concept. Heidi looks like she might cry if she still had tear ducts. She calls him insensitive, rude, and an ass. What the hell?!

By O. Snapp MTV, sometimes you know just what I need. Down, girl. But... not cuter than me... right?" Back at the totally not-set-up launch event, Heidi is feeling humiliated by Spencer (what else is new?) and decides to go talk to Brent. Honestly, if Brent is on the short side, Heidi is the size of a pocket sprite.

By O. Snapp Anyway, Brody arrives and all is peaceful at the table, which clearly displeases Ms. Pratt. She eggs Cameron on to get him to talk to Brody, but why can't she just let things lie? She's just proving Brody's "crazy bitch" hypothesis. Brody, meanwhile, is interrupting LC's "kewwwt" tangent by...

By Chooch We have new episodes of "Gossip Girl", "The Hills", "Heroes" and even my favorite chef, Alton Brown, is back with a brand new episode of "Good Eats" Is there anything better than that? Check it out after the jump..... MTV: The Hills" at 9:30pm. (repeat) The Hills" at 10pm. (new)

By O. Snapp Time for our weekly installment of tedious Heidi/Spencer hatred. The dynamic duo are waiting for their double date to show up and are trading barbs about the new couple. As the minutes pass, their tone becomes more and more wry, until finally they're wading elbow-deep in a puddle of sarcasm....

By O. Snapp Arrrrghhh. I officially hate Blahdrina. What is the matter with her? We know it's not because she can't get laid. We know it's not for his money. Why in the world would she just sigh and basically say, "Please sir, I want some more?" There were a few times over the last couple of years when I thought...

By Chooch Sheldon is the star of Monday nights. "The Big Bang Theory", on CBS at 8pm, has brought us the most unique, and eccentric character since Frasier. How can you not love Sheldon's precise & analogical view of the world... MTV: The Hills" at 9:30pm. (repeat) The Hills" at 10pm. (new)

By O. Snapp Truthfully, the letter IS very apologetic and mature, but uses bigger words than I think Heidi knows, so anyone could have written it. Then again, she signs it, "Sincerely, Heidi Montag" and I'm guessing the I's are dotted with hearts, so it's anybody's guess. Whitney theorizes that Heidi...

By O. Snapp Heidi squeals about how happy she is, a little too preparedly if you ask me, while Spencer, true to form, grumbles in sarcasm. Darlene firmly purses her lips closed while she begrudgingly hugs Spencer, and tells Heidi all she wants to do while she's in L.A. is hang out with her. And maybe get one o...

By O. Snapp If I tell you, do you promise not to tell?" Welcome, fellow haters! This week's zany, WTF-filled episode posed an existential query to us all: Can "The Hills" exist without Lauren Conrad? (That's like asking if the earth could... Thinks he's on a date with Brody.

By O. Snapp LC then. Holls reasons that she needs to meet people, because the only ones she knows so far are the two jerkoffs sitting in front of her and Lauren. At the mention of his archnemesis, Spencer (unsurprisingly) lets his displeasure be known to the world.

By Pachita

By O. Snapp And neither do we. Previously on The Hills, Heidi was weak, Spencer was an intolerant brat, and LC was a frigid non-bitch. Tonight on The Hills, a double recap! Lucky you. Because I was surprised by the special new... She calls this look "Disco In A Glad Bag" Oh look, Brody poked me!"

By O. Snapp Steph recounts the story of her Spencer rejection (horrors!) and assures LC that that douchebag is "outta sight, outta mind." You know, that's a real shame when you have to say that about your own flesh and blood. If they are, in fact, related. LC confirms their friendship (at least someone he...

By O. Snapp Upon our return from commercial break, we're treated to some brain-building music set to the lyrics, "Hollywood, la la la." And, conversely, "Hollywood: la la la!!" Well, what else can we expect from this city? Maybe she's born with it; Maybe it's Mark, by Lauren Conrad!

By O. Snapp At the mention of Lauren, Heidi's face grows wistful. "What happens happens," she muses. Indeed, and what sucks sucks. And what is a verb, is a verb. Holly looks troubled and warns Heidi not to sacrifice too much for Spencer. Don't tell me we're getting a reasonable young lady around here. This ol...

By HWSucka With The Hills off the air until August, MTV was left to find something to fill this temporary void. They needed something girly. Something superficial. Something that could only last one season. Enter Legally Blonde The Musical: The Search... With The Hills off the air until August, MTV was lef...

By O. Snapp Didn't know they had Technicolor over at MTV Studios. Kelly Cutthroat must be outta town. So LC explains how difficult things are rapidly becoming at home and insists that she doesn't think she did anythink. Uh-oh. Maybe she should cut down on the Speech Therapy With Whitney classes. Whitney i...

By O. Snapp Time for our weekly Stephanie/Heidi fucked-up therapy session! Steph enters Heidi's pad with an exchange of "Helllooooo!"s reminiscent of that "Seinfeld" episode where... well, you know, the one where they're all "Hellooo! Lahhh Lahh Lahhhhh..." Anyone? Well anyway, today Steph is one ha...

By O. Snapp OH GOD I'm already sick of being on this show." Welcome once again to the Fake Friendship Fest! Last time on The Hills, Audrina reunited with her scruffy ne'er-do-well, Lo showed her first buds of veiled bitchiness, and Heidi... Which is the Good LC? Which is the Evil LC?

By O. Snapp Instead of their lunch date, Lauren sweetly volunteers to help Whitney out with some very exciting data entry. When supervisor Emily comes around, Whit mentions that they used to work at Teen Vogue together, and Emily uses this opportunity to get more PR for PR and implies that maybe they c...

By O. Snapp OMG, did u no Stph Pratts in schll? OMG ok ttyl lol! In New York, models for Sass & Bide are trying on silly metallic couture while the blonde quartet of designers and Whitney convene and discuss. and then I totally saved, like, John Smith's LIFE. It was so hot."

By O. Snapp Whoop-de-fucking do!" Here's what makes The Hills fantastic: other shows typically edit out the blank stares and silences between takes and during other characters' endless babbling. The Hills has managed to make an entire series out of these moments,...

By Nads Hey Gasmii, if you're a fan of The Hills, it's coming back on Monday, March 24th on MTV. Here is the trailer for the new season: MTVMusic VideosMTV ShowsEntertainment News... Hey Gasmii, if you're a fan of The Hills, it's coming back on Monday, March 24th on MTV. Here is the trailer for the new seas...

By Nads More American Than Scripted Apple Pie Oh The Hills! As if it couldn't get any more fake, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's wedding will be scripted!!! MTV producers are holding casting calls for the wedding. Heidi will have "fake"... Visit TVgasm for the Full Story!

By Ting Lee(rebeccatingley@mac.com) This week on The Hills, the answer to the biggest TV mystery since Who shot JR? is revealed, Jen Bunney attempts the impossible feat of becoming more unlikable, and Brody Jenner is hot. Spencer finally got his own statue in the Madam Tussaud's Wax Museum.